New Moon || Gemini

I surrender and let go.

I started this blog in April of last year, it was a hard business year and I thought a simple subscription plan could generate a little extra cash flow to help me pay my rent. The idea began in a female led business think tank I was involved in, and it seemed easy. Social media algorithm changes had shrunken my reach, every time I posted an image I created digitally my audience would reach 26/960 people. Social media did not like digital images - memes and videos and pictures of your face only. For years, 60% of all my business came from Instagram. I thought I could just transfer all of my long form posts from social media here, people would enjoy it, I would make a little extra money to keep my business afloat - it would be fun, it would grow. But it didn’t, whatever audience I had did not follow, so it hasn’t grown, and it’s been a lot of work keeping it all up. Growth has not even been at a standstill, it’s mostly just a trickling decline. The majority of my subscriptions are at the $1.11 price point, in which I make $0.58 each after processing fees. Every month I spend hours each week to do research and plan out posts, work on the seasonal boxes - I spend around 25+ hours of my time each month to bring in $58.00. After weeks of agonizing and hoping for a different outcome I need to surrender to the fact that the time spent does not justify the outcome, and I need to let it go.

This week with all the Gemini energy swirling about and the building energy of the Gemini New Moon has been a catalyst for me. New Moons are our shot at a do over for the month, they are a time to welcome new beginnings, and openly communicate our hopes and wishes to the wider world. Gemini is a positive mutable sign representing communication, socialization, and conceptualization. Communication is key for this new moon. Energy, time, and space is crucial in conceptualization- developing new ideas is hard to accomplish if you’re tired, overworked, and have little to give. If we are ready to start to a new cycle or make real changes in our lives we have to openly communicate that and create space. And that means we have to let go of something.

So this is me in a conscious Tower moment, acknowledging a project that cannot be fixed, and not putting anymore energy in to it.

Letting go is hard, and I’m ridiculously grateful for everyone that has subscribed. I am never a quitter, but in the surrendering process I know I will find freedom, and eventually something new. A shake up can bring awareness and expansion. Like The Star that follows The Tower, there is light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to move through the darkness, no matter how scary upheaval is. And it is scary - I’m an optimist who thinks any day now I’ll turn a corner on this project, I worry about disappointing people, I worry that in order to keep my business open I can’t afford to lose that $58, and I also don’t know if any of that is true. I’ve written this post about 4 or 5 times in the last year and never had the courage to post it. And in the future if I do need to close my business because I can no longer afford the losses, this is a step towards that.

I’m building courage.

I need to open myself up and consider what I do want right now, which is freedom, less obligations, less expectations (of myself), less agonizing over what is working and what is not working, and more time for real life. I’m sick of having a scarcity mindset around all of this. I’ve been feeding my digital world for 7 years since I opened my business, and it’s been exhausting, time consuming, and super restricting.

Social media has changed, how we interact online has changed, even my newsletter has taken a huge hit - therefore what we can grow and accomplish online has changed.

Perhaps nobody wants what I’m selling in general, and that’s fine too, our needs within the culture are supposed to bend and shift - I just like to blame social media for everything 🙃 but I actually understand that the needs and wants of the collective have shifted massively in the last year, as they should. We cannot stay the same, no matter how comfortable it feels.

So I surrender and let go to the blog and my grasp for digital growth.

If circumstances dictate that I have to close my physical business in the future, I will surrender and let go then too. I know that something new will arrive. Life is never truly stagnant and the only constant we can rely on is change. That’s what makes life exciting, and mysterious, and interesting.

The fact remains that energy cannot be created or destroyed, but it can change from one form to another. It can transform or transfer. When we stop putting energy in to things that cannot be fixed we open ourselves up to that process.

Gemini energy wants us to know that ANYTHING IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE.

I am where I need to be.

I am confident in the next steps.

I am patient.

I get out of my head, and think and lead with my heart.

I am ready to restart.

I surrender to the path.

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So all that said, I will be shutting down the subscriptions feature.

Boxes will still go out for summer.

The blog will be here for free until I can get everything archived. Maybe I will post again because I just have something to say. Maybe I won’t. But I will no longer place the expectation on myself that I have to.

To all of you who have followed along and have been showing me support, I am so profoundly grateful. I hope you you know how truly appreciative I am of you 💗

Honestly I feel lighter already 🪶